


lost in your current

by tsaritsas



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Light Angst, cw for some gore, i can feel my friends judging me, leave me be, nothing bad happens, they just watch a bit of criminal minds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:34:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsaritsas/pseuds/tsaritsas
Summary: Zoya and Nikolai study for an exam at his apartment.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov & Zoya Nazyalensky, Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	lost in your current

“Stay,” he said. 

She thought it had meant to be a joking suggestion. He would simply call her a cab, or something or other. Zoya had spent the night at his place studying, and it had gone on a lot longer than they both had anticipated. It had ended unproductively with empty coffee mugs littered around the apartment and Nikolai’s face down in a textbook, unable to look at any more calculus. Zoya had looked at the clock and realised it was past 1:30 and suggested that she should be getting home, and she was almost out the door when Nikolai had asked her not to go.

However, the remark had clearly come out a lot more serious than he had intended, causing his eyes to widen for but a brief moment.

Zoya blinked and looked back at him, blue eyes now half-lidded but still giving him the signature glare. “I’ll be fine on my own, thanks,” she retorted, “and I would honestly rather walk home in the pouring rain than deal with any more of your arrogance.” 

“Nope,” he said, blinking his eyes to keep himself awake. He looked at her again, her eyebrows raised in confusion. “I’ll set up the couch. You can’t walk home now, so you can sleep here.” 

Zoya looked out the living room window, seeing the rain she hadn’t realized had begun to fall. She really had been awake for too long. She definitely didn’t want to stay, but walking home alone in the pouring rain certainly didn’t seem appealing either. 

She crossed her arms, eyeing him suspiciously. “Why is that any of your business?” 

“Because,” he said, “It would be improper for me to let you walk home alone. And there’s no way I can mess up this face by going and getting a cold from the rain while walking you home.”

She sighed, though it was less of frustration and more of fatigue. “Fine,” she said, the lack of contempt in her voice concerning to her, “I’ll stay. But only tonight, okay?”

Nikolai laid a black fleece blanket on top of the couch cushions. “Alright, tsaritsa.” 

“If you want me to stay here,” she punched him in the shoulder as she walked toward the coffee table, setting her bag on a chair, “then you can’t call me that anymore, you know.” 

“Why, I thought I was the one doing you a favour here.” 

“You. Wish.” 

He turned around, glancing at her. Her hand subconsciously went to her hair, which she usually wore down, that was pulled behind her in a ponytail that only looked half-finished since she had only pulled her hair halfway through. Her cheeks felt too cold, and though she tried to hide it, the shivering suggested that her arms were crossed for more than just her look of disdain. Saints, she felt tired. 

Nikolai finished setting up the couch, setting two pillows down at one end. “You need something to sleep in,” he remarked.

She looked up at him, stormy blue eyes still sending a glare his way. “You better not say ‘my bed’, or else I’m going to strangle you.” 

“But you're freezing,” he said, smirking. “Also, I meant pyjamas.”

“Still, I think I can survive being 'freezing' for a few hours.” She said though her pulling her coat tighter around her seemed to say otherwise. 

“I'll get you a sweatshirt and some pyjama pants.” He began to walk toward his room, turning back to give her one last look. “Be back in a minute, tsaritsa.”

“They won't even fit, you know!” she called to him, “you're too weirdly tall.”

“Well, you're weirdly short!”

“Fuck you!”

\-----

Zoya stepped out of the bathroom in a navy blue hoodie and black pyjama pants, both of which were way too big on her. She took a look in the mirror and scrunched her nose at the look. She looked ridiculous, yet for some reason, she felt oddly comforted. She hated the latter a lot more. “I look like I was swallowed by some college boy’s closet.”

No reply.

“You know, if you’re not here I’m gonna leave.” 

She couldn't think of anything else he could possibly be doing right now other than being stupid, so what was the silence? She snapped her head over to see if he had set some fire or flooded his kitchen or something of that nature, but he didn't. Instead, he was just staring. 

At her. 

“Oh, what the hell are you looking at?” she complained loudly, causing him to blink rapidly and shake his head. 

“Looking at what?”

Zoya turned her attention back toward the mirror. “Is there something in my hair? And why are you not telling me? Yes, I know it looks awful but you don't need to make a scene.” She ran her fingers through her dark hair, trying to detangle whatever knots were in there, the effort proving futile as her scalp hurt the more she pulled at it. She gave up and crossed her arms, huffing at her reflection. Her shoulder-length black hair was too frizzy, the bags under her eyes too visible even with her glasses too foggy, and she was increasingly becoming more resentful to how big these clothes were on her. 

After dragging her feet into the other room, Zoya lay on the couch that Nikolai had made up for her. She hadn’t expected it to be so comfortable, she realised, as she sank into the grey-coloured cushions and pulled a fleece blanket over herself. Despite the enormous sweatshirt she was wearing, she was still somehow too cold. Was the thermostat broken? Or did Nikolai just like to freeze his ass off every night. Either way, it wasn’t worth pondering, so she reached for the remote on the coffee table and curled up against one end of the couch. She flipped through the Netflix shows for an oddly long time, rolling her eyes at all of the cliche sitcoms Nikolai had seen, before finally settling on something to watch right now. Yes, she was tired, but that didn’t mean she slept easily. She needed _something_ to soothe her to sleep. 

She was about ten minutes into the episode when she heard footsteps behind her, followed by a sigh and what sounded like a facepalm. “Zoya, you know this show keeps me awake. It’s disturbing.”

“It’s not disturbing,” she scoffed. “You’re just a wimp.”

“There’s a corpse with acid burns where the eyes used to be in the _middle of the screen_.” 

“This isn’t even close to the worst one.” She muttered, turning her head to look at him standing behind her. 

He walked over to sit on the couch beside her, holding a hand in front of him to keep from seeing the TV. “I still don’t understand how you watch this before you sleep.” 

“I have many talents that you happen to not have a shred of aptitude for,” Zoya replied, her tone deadpan. 

“I,” he said, lowering his hand after the scene went away, “am talented in all aspects. But that,” he said, gesturing toward Zoya and her indifferent expression, “is not a _talent_. That just means you have something wrong with you.”

She rolled her eyes at his stupid comments, resenting how her heart had begun to beat faster. “There’s a lot more,” she told him, lightly shoving her palm into his temple, “that’s wrong with you.”

“I don’t know what you’re suggesting, tsaritsa. Everything about me is perfect.”

She looked over at him, taking in his tousled golden hair and perfect smile. He hated this show, and she couldn’t tell for the life of her why he was staying to watch it with her. She turned her attention back to the TV, hoping to hide the colour coming into her cheeks. He was only letting her stay as a favour. They were just friends, that’s all. Just good friends. He just felt obligated to ask her and she just didn’t feel like walking home. Zoya tried her best to focus on the rest of the episode. She swore she could feel Nikolai drawing closer, but she didn’t dare look over and give him the satisfaction of him having her attention. To her dismay, the combination of the action happening onscreen and the strain in the room with him only seemed to make her more awake. She sat up a little bit more, trying to calm her mind, keep her feelings in check. She would not let herself fall, not now. 

She looked over towards Nikolai about halfway through the episode, finding his hazel eyes to be wide open, though he did seem to be invested. She thought about teasing him for all the times he made fun of her. She took a glance back at the TV. “You might not want to be this invested,” she said, causing him to look over at her. 

He smiled at her and raised an eyebrow. “And why might that be?”

She thought about what was about to happen, considering the first time she saw this episode. “This is the part where it gets super gory, and you’re going to want to leave, so–”

But suddenly Zoya couldn’t remember anything that had ever happened on Criminal Minds, because Nikolai’s lips had caught hers.

Oh, _okay_.

He was kissing her. _That_ was what was happening. Her thoughts were swimming too much, between the studying and the invite to stay and the sweatshirt he gave her and how _soft_ his lips were on hers. Everything else that day, everything else _ever_ seemed to fade as he pulled her closer by the waist and threaded his fingers in her hair. She fisted her hands in his t-shirt, pulling him towards her so she could kiss him deeper, feel his heart beat in sync with hers.

He pulled away breathless a few minutes later, smirking as he brought his focus back to the show, leaving her with no acknowledgement.

––––––

Zoya Nazyalenasky wasn’t used to being left speechless, but apparently, this was a day for firsts. 

It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about kissing him more than enough times, but she had been wrong about how he would feel. How her thoughts would melt, how her self-control and common sense would falter, how much she would want it. How much she would want _him_ and his everything. She didn’t know how much she would miss his lips and his touch once he pulled away. 

And why had he pulled away so quickly? What did that do for him? She knew he didn’t really feel that way about her, of course. But for just one millisecond she had thought that maybe he returned how she felt.

Her eyes were in an out of focus until the episode ended, and she paused the screen and turned to him, her expression furious. He smirked, seeming so nonchalant despite everything that had just taken place. 

She threw her hands up in frustration and shouted at him. “Nikolai, what the hell was that for?” _Stop making me question everything I do._

He chuckled lightly, acting oddly _okay_ with it all. “Why, tsaritsa, what else does someone do as a distraction from scary movies?”

She raised an eyebrow at him in confusion, making the disdain in her voice for him apparent. “I don’t know, maybe they don’t watch the movie anymore? Or they go get food? Or do literally anything other than kiss a girl they don’t really like? Especially when they are already friends with her and have around 15 people on speed dial for hookups. Oh wait, no.” Why was he so ignorant? Why was he smiling? Hell, he looked like he was about to laugh. “If you wanted a hookup, you would have just gone for it. You wouldn’t have planned the whole ‘stay with me, it’s late’ rouse. So you just wanted to fuck with me.”

Zoya finally smirked as everything changed at the last statement she made. He no longer looked like he had a leg up like he knew what she was going to say. He, surprisingly, looked very hurt. She wished he just hadn’t been stupid in the first place, but now at least she was winning this. Winning whatever bullshit game he was playing. 

She fake-smiled as she went to leave the apartment, blinking back the tears she wished would stop flowing because she would not let herself become heartbroken now. “That was fun. Good for you. I can’t believe you just pull that shit and get away with it. I’m leaving now,” she told him, feeling her voice start to crack. She turned to face him for the first time. “Have fun with the rest of your life.”

  
  


Soon, though, any idea of leaving dissolved. Damn him, damn it all. Damn his gorgeous hazel eyes and his charm and his cleverness. This time, his lips came over hers harder, the force enough to cause her to stumble backwards and fall into the couch. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down with her as he held her closer and closer. Zoya could feel everything around her fade as he kissed her deeper and deeper. He pulled her onto his lap as he sat down, letting her wrap her legs around him. She could feel the heat spreading from her chest to the rest of her. She was burning up, and right now, she was content if that was how she would go. She leaned back against the couch cushions, letting her fingers thread in his hair as he trailed kisses down her neck and to her collarbone, leaving her breathless. She could feel herself falling to him as his lips met hers again, telling her everything he had been waiting to say. 

Nikolai pulled away, after a while, his blond hair tousled and cheeks coloured. He kept an arm around her shoulders as she rested her head on his shoulder. Zoya looked to him, eyes half-lidded with delirium and relief and other things she would never be able to place. “Did you ever stop and think,” he asked her softly, “that maybe I kissed you because I like you?”

“You like me,” she whispered, laughing quietly as she met his eyes. She couldn’t see the gold around the centre anymore, only the dark brown around the edges. The rest was swallowed up by the black of his pupils. “And is that all?”

“No,” he told her, kissing her hair, “that doesn’t even begin to cover it.” He tightened his grip around her, just enough for her to become a little more lost in wanting. “First,” he explained, “I would tell you how you’re incredibly smart, and how you can do anything you ever put your mind to.” He kissed her forehead. “I would tell you how you’re wonderful, how you mesmerize me, how I could look into your eyes forever if I could.” He kissed her cheek. “I would tell you how I would think of telling you that, but I would see you and forget whatever I had wanted to say just because you became all I could see.” He kissed her lips again, this time slow and soft, but it still caused her to see stars. “And there’s so much more I would tell you, but that would take about as long as it did for me to tell you I liked you in the first place.” He smiled and laughed lightly, and her heart almost burst at the sight. He had been all she had ever wanted. 

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i know, its all bad and i only know how to write one story. eye bleach has been provided


End file.
